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How To Achieve World Domination!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

I am bored at work and decided to search for things to do to ACHIEVE WORLD DOMINATION!! MUAHAHAHA! (Reminds me of Pinky and the Brain). Some questions first...

Do you want to be the all-powerful overlord of Earth?

Do you long to command armies to do your bidding?

If your answer to both question is 'yes', follow these tips, and you can have it ALL. muahahahah!!. If not, Click Here!

- Shave your head. Evil overlords look considerably more potent when blessed with advanced male-pattern baldness.

- Change your name to that which would suite an evil overlord. CAUTION! Names such as Dr.Evil, The Penguin or The Riddler seem to end up failing their goal... so aim for something more simple along the lines of say Mr Bush or Mr Gates... no one would ever expect people with names like that to have the ability to take over the world! Take 'em by surprise!

- Devise an innovative plan to take control of the world's infrastructure. Threatening to detonate a nuclear device and thereby pollute the world's atmosphere just won't cut it any more. France has been doing it for years, and no one gives a toss.

- Be creative. Holding all the world's toilet paper to ransom might be clever, but imagine how much more effective you'd be if you infected the water supply with laxatives first.

- Threatening to take over the White House and asking for insanely amount of ransom is unlikely to have you appointed Supreme Commander of Planet Earth.

- IMPORTANT! Hire minions who can actually hit their targets. Most failed evil geniuses seem to hire cross-eyed sharp-shooters who can't hit an elephant from one pace. These employment practices, while low cost, simply allow plans to be thwarted with ease.

- Beware of anyone named James Bond or Batman. They will thwart your plans. If you do capture them, kill them immediately. Whatever you do, don't give them a detailed explanation of your plan.

- Make a budget and stick to it. Got this from an article in Cosmo, but it applies as much to potential All Powerful Rulers as the personal assistant on a savings plan. It's no use getting halfway through building your doomsday device only to approach the bank for a loan of $58 billion because you over-spent on the catering. Bank managers are notorious for their lack of insight an imagination, and will probably refuse the loan.

- To make it look good, practice on your evil laugh. Go Muahahaha at random moments. People will become afraid of you.

- AND FINALLY, choose your base of operation wisely, Dams, Submarines, and Mountain base seems to be too obvious nowadays.

That's it! Tell me how you guys go.
posted by Ivan Choe, 11:10 am

1 Comments:

You forgot, beware of pretty double agents who seem to take sides with your enemies named James Bond or Batman.
commented by Anonymous Justyn, 4/07/2005 11:27:00 am

 

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