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If Microsoft developed Proton Cars

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Proton will be launching the new Proton Savvy tomorrow. The compact car - the first to be launched by Proton this year, will have a 1.2 liter engine capacity, strongest body in its class, fastest in its category, Lotus-inspired engineering and spacious interior. (According to the marketing materials.)

Nonetheless, I want to take a swipe at Proton and #$%&^ Microsoft and what better way to do that than a Top 10 list! ;)

If Microsoft developed Proton Cars...

1. Proton cars will be named: Proton NT, Proton 98, Proton ME, Proton 2000 and Proton XP.

2. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

3. Every month you'll receive an email or news release that recommends you to bring the car back to the factory for a 'critical security patch'.

4. Occasionally, your car would die on the highway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.

5. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car's airbag to pop-up with numerous irritating ads.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

7. The fuel tank, water temperature, and battery warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

8. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

9. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

10. You'd have to press the "Start > Turn Off Car > Shut Down" button to turn the engine off.
posted by Ivan, 12:56 am


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